Hey there!! 

I am AJ (Abigail)!

I’m so glad you’re here!

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I grew up in a large conservative family. We joined a religious cult when I was 9 years old. The next 26 years of my life were wrought with brainwashing, toxic community living, and painful experiences that I was told were all a part of God’s plan. During these years, I got married and raised 3 children while continuing to live with multiple families in mobile homes. I gave my whole heart and soul to this lifestyle. I had been taught from a young age that if I ever left this group, I would go straight to hell. We were the “chosen ones”. The message was simple but effective: “Deny yourself, give up your selfish dreams, live a sacrificial life, never trust yourself because you are full of sin, and follow me as I follow Christ.” - These words were spoken often by the main leader, David Taylor, who started the cult.

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Were there red flags along the way? Of course. But I had long learned that I wasn’t allowed to question anything. I tried so hard to follow all the rules and be the best servant of God I could be. I was told that because of my obedience to God, I was living truly free. Meanwhile, my insides screamed for air. There were many situations where my gut was telling me that something wasn’t right. I found myself crawling out of my window late at night, escaping to the fields. I would find my horse and cry on her for hours. I felt guilty for seeking these moments of solace. Something must be wrong with me. 

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Eventually, the truth comes out. And when it did, my whole life capsized. It turns out that my gut was right. There were a lot of wrong things, and they had been wrong for a long time. Learning that some of my children were victims of sexual abuse was the painful truth that catapulted me into action. Thus began the next excruciating 5 years of getting free, which began with putting my dad in prison. 

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My husband and I started slowly, building a new life. It felt impossible, heart-wrenching, and scary as hell. All we had left were ashes, but we were determined that from here on out, we were going to make our own way. And we did. People who see my family now would be completely shocked if they knew who we used to be 6 years ago. An integral part of my journey was realizing I was queer and finding the woman of my dreams. Embracing a nonmonogamous relationship has been one of the best decisions of my life.

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I wish I could say I am all healed now, but that would be a lie. We will always be working on healing. We will never be done. And that’s okay. It’s a part of being human. Sometimes healing feels like a wild wind of freedom, and other days it just plain sucks. 

 

My story and experiences are unique, as are all of our stories, but there is one thing in common that I believe we ALL deserve:

 

Freedom.

Freedom to love who we want to.

Freedom to build a life that feels good to us.

Freedom to live according to our own values and not what someone else demands of us.

Freedom to choose what feels right for ourselves.

And last but most importantly, the freedom to love ourselves.

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I do not have the answers for your life, but I do understand how it feels to be trapped, miserable, fearful, and hopeless. I have walked the lonely path of learning boundaries for the first time. In gaining my freedom, I have lost a lot. I understand the pain. I deal with my own trauma constantly. I am continually learning how to lean in instead of run away.

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What I’m saying is, I get it. Making the difficult choices to get free from toxicity felt excruciating at times, but each decision to honor myself was like a breath of fresh air. The more I learn to love, embrace, and listen to my body, the freer I become and the clearer my path becomes. Freedom does come at a cost, but let me tell you, nothing has ever felt so good.

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You deserve to live a life feeling loved, empowered, and fulfilled. 

This is YOUR path and YOUR life. 

Once you taste the wild, you will never want to go back.